Mixed Feelings...

My little boy starts full-time school on Monday. I really thought I would be excited at the thought of having FIVE full days all to myself. And I certainly know that when the kids were younger, I would give anything to have even one day. But things are different now.

I think when your kids are that bit older they become more of a companion for you. I'm so used to always having this little shadow with me. Of always having another little person to consider when planning activities and places to visit during the day. Where ever we went, I made sure it was child-friendly and that it wasn't going to be somewhere that Will wouldn't enjoy or where I would have to discipline him for being too noisy or wanting to run around and do what little boys do. And now, it's just me. I can go where I want to go and do what I want to do. But strangely enough, I'm not at all excited about it. What I wanted so much, I don't want anymore. I just want my little companion.

And then there's the feelings of justification. Now that both the kids are at school everyday, what will I do with my time. Will I feel the need to constantly 'show' what I did with my time..... "Look darling, I did three loads of washing, a basket full of ironing, polished the floors and baked a cake all in one day"!!! And I should clarify at this point, that Glenn is definitely not the type to make me feel like I should be justifying myself....but I do know what I'm like and I know I will feel the need to. So do I get a job that will let me start work after school drop off, leave in time for school pick up, give me time off when the kids are sick, give me time off to do classroom roster, give me time off to do canteen roster, give me school holidays off??? Is there such a job???

Those are my thoughts that are swamping me at the moment, so I'm keen to get that first day of school over with so I can deal with it and learn how to move on.